Come to the Dark Side. We have cookies.

This weekend, I realized we are THAT family. You know the ones – tempting the neighborhood kids with their hot dogs and nutritionally useless popsicles, forever squirting innocent passersby with water guns and brandishing light sabers, and letting the baby wander off to the street. Yep, that’s us.

The realization started with a play date that fell flat, despite the best of intentions. My son invited his friend over for some play time after a rousing game of t-ball, in which the score was 834 to 973, but no one could remember which side scored what. My daughter was busy watering the lawn, the plants, the dog, herself, and everyone else who was unwise enough to come within range of a two year old with a hose. My son offered his friend a water gun to defend himself, but “we don’t play with guns” was the response. My son, being a kind host and worrying about his defenseless friend, immediately offered him the second best choice – a light saber. “I’m not allowed to play Star Wars” was his reply. “But it’s a foam one, it doesn’t hurt!” was how my son responded. But no good – the “no Star Wars” ban was firmly in effect. By this point, both boys were pretty soaked, and still had nothing to play. My son finally located the water valve and cut off his sister’s supply. So, she decided to go for a walk down the street, on her own, after she took off all her clothes except her red snow boots.

Luckily, our security system worked, and she did not make it out of the driveway. By “security system”, I mean our dog Tiger. Tiger is part Staffordshire terrier and displays his herding heritage by acting as nanny dog to our children. What happens with an unstoppable force (our daughter, determined to go run in the street) meets an immoveable object (Tiger, in full nanny mode)? Lots of doggie slurping, a shout of from my 2 year old of “Tee-gare! Gooddoggie!” and a happy toddler and a happy dog returning to the backyard.

By this time, all of the kids were getting pretty hungry, so I started running through the list of what they could have for lunch. My two voted enthusiastically for hot dogs, but all suggestions to our guest were vetoed. Our guest’s mom said no to hot dogs (nitrates); no to peanut butter and jelly (allergies); no to cheese pizza (fat and sodium); no to pasta (not whole wheat), and when in a moment of desperation I offered popsicles, his mom suddenly remembered an afternoon appointment, and they fled.

While my kids (who decided, after hearing the list of lunch items, that they wanted it ALL) were refueling, I realized how we looked to “outsiders”. Me, with my muddy jeans and who-knows-what from the morning on my shirt; my son, with his spiderman pj shirt under his t-ball shirt and his pants that evidenced his recent growth spurt (can 5 year old boys wear capris???); and my daughter, who had given up her naked moment and was now sporting an Elmo shirt, piles of mardi gras beads, sunglasses on upside down, flowered pants and two different dress-up shoes (one white, one purple). Oh, and Tiger, who desperately needed a bath, and who was helping himself to an unguarded hot dog.

Yes, we’re THAT family, but we do love to have a good time, and if you come over, we’ll show you how to make your own lightsaber with a pool noodle and some duct tape. So come on over to our Dark Side – we have cookies. And hot dogs, and Dora popsicles (with 25% of the daily requirement of vitamin C. I checked. I do have SOME standards).